Dealing with Failure

This post is something that has been on my heart for a while and I have been contemplating whether to write about it or not. However, in my effort to stay genuine and true, I feel that it is necessary to get it out; not only for my blog but in dealing with my emotions as well.

For the past 4 years, I have been in school pursuing my dental hygiene degree. This has been the most difficult and challenging period of my life. This journey has lead me to move to a new town by myself, work part time and scramble to find patients who would fulfill hygiene requirements. Not to mention, studying for and taking 6 board exams to earn my license!

Fortunately, despite the struggle, I was making progress. I managed to always find a patient, passed 5 of my board exams and even landed a job before I graduated, what a blessing!

So that brings me to the events that occured over the past week. On the weekend of the 7th-9th of June, I took my last clinical boards. I passed the local anesthesia exam and could not be happier.  The following Sunday, I took my clinical exam. My board patient qualified and the exam went as smooth as possible. 

I felt confident that I had passed and waited patiently for my results. Finally, 5 days after an email came saying that they had been posted. With butterflies in my stomach, I looked up the results online. After scrolling through the letter, I found in bold letters: FAIL. I could not believe that this was happening. I quietly left work to go home and process all that had taken place.

I cried thinking about the pain, suffering and hard work that I had invested over the past 4 years. I had never experienced failure like this before, and in such a big way. Making the phone call to my employer was the most difficult and uncomfortable conversation in my life. 

And it does not stop there. That day, I was told that my employer would hire another hygienist and that they could no longer keep me. My heart was broken. I felt as though everything I knew and felt proud of was taken away from me. 

Fotunately, I have a loving and supportive family who have been by my side throughout the whole process. My fiance has been incredibly helpful and encouraging. It hurts me that we have had to alter our wedding plans due to the situation.

For now, I will hold my head high and know that God has a plan for me; that there is a reason for this struggle. I will retake the exam in September and leave the rest up to God. Dan and I have decided that we will postpone the wedding until next summer so we can have time to figure everything out. 

It is my hope that anyone who has ever experienced struggle would find comfort in this post. I know that God uses these trials to shape and mold us into the people that we are to become; and that we are not defined by our failures. I pray that you find comfort in Him just as I have. We can make it through together!

"Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life."

- Galatians 6:4-5 MSG

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